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ExplosiveFan's movie-spoof of The Sword in the Stone.

Cast:Edit

  • Merlin - Bagheera (The Jungle Book)
  • Archimedes - Owl (Winnie the Pooh)
  • Sir Kay - Alejandro Burromuerto (Total Drama)
  • Arthur/Wart - Cody (The Rescuers Down Under)
  • Hungry Wolf as Himself
  • Sir Ector - Gaston Legume (Beauty and the Beast)
  • Sir Pellinore - Sir Grimsby (The Little Mermaid)
  • Fish Arthur/Wart - Pinocchio (Pinocchio)
  • Fish Merlin - Geppetto (Pinocchio)
  • Pike as Himself
  • Squirrel Arthur/Wart - Fievel Mousekewitz (An American Tail)
  • Squirrel Merlin - Bernard (The Rescuers)
  • Girl Squirrel - Olivia Flaversham (The Great Mouse Detective)
  • Granny Squirrel - Miss Bianca (The Rescuers)
  • Scullery Maid - Cruella De Vil (101 Dalmatians)
  • Bird Arthur/Wart as Himself
  • Madam Mim - Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
  • Ugly Madam Mim - Ursula (The Little Mermaid)
  • Beautiful Madam Mim - Heather (Total Drama)
  • Alligator Madam Mim as Herself
  • Turtle Merlin as Himself
  • Bunny Merlin as Himself
  • Fox Madam Mim as Herself
  • Caterpillar Merlin as Himself
  • Chicken Madam Mim as Herself
  • Walrus Merlin as Himself
  • Elephant Madam Mim as Herself
  • Mouse Merlin as Himself
  • Tiger Madam Mim as Herself
  • Snake Madam Mim as Herself
  • Crab Merlin as Himself
  • Rhinoceros Merlin as Herself
  • Goat Merlin as Himself
  • Dragon Madam Mim as Herself
  • Sir Bart (a.k.a. Black Bart the Knight) - Dr. Governor Ratcliffe (Pocahontas)

Chapters:Edit

  1. The Beginning
  2. Cody Drops in For Tea/"Higitus Figitus"
  3. At Gaston's Castle
  4. "That's What Makes the World Go Round"
  5. A Medieval Assembly Line
  6. "A Most Befuddling Thing"
  7. Fight of the Dishes
  8. Cody's Educations
  9. "The Magnificent, Marvelous, Mad Madam Queen of Hearts"/Wizard's Duel
  10. Cody is Made Squire
  11. The Joust (mixed with the joust scene from The Truth About Mother Goose)/The Sword's Appearance
  12. Hail, King Cody! Long Live the King!
  13. The End

Quotes:Edit

[First lines]
Balladeer: [sings]
A legend is sung of when England was young,
And Knights were brave and bold.
The good King had died, and no one could decide
Who was rightful heir to the Throne.
It seemed that the land would be torn by war,
Or saved by a miracle alone —
And that miracle appeared in London town:
The Sword in the Stone.
Narrator: And below the hilt, in letters of gold, were written these words: "Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil is rightwise king born of England." Though many tried for the sword with all their strength, none could move the sword nor stir it. So the miracle had not worked, and England was still without a king - and in time, the marvelous sword was forgotten. This was a [post-renaissance], without law and without order. Men lived in fear of one another, for the strong preyed upon the weak.

Bagheera/Merlin: A [post-renaissance] indeed! An age of inconvenience! No plumbing! No electricity! No... nothing! [almost falls into the well] Oh, hang it all! Hang it all! [finally gets his bucket filled with water out of the well, and tries to leave, but finds that he is caught in something] Oh, now what? Now what?! [sees the chain wrapped around his leg] Here, leave off! LEAVE OFF! Oh, you fiendish chain, you! [kicks it away] Everything complicated! One big medieval mess!

Bagheera/Merlin: Now, let me see. He should be here in, I'd say, half an hour.
Owl/Archimedes the Owl: Who? Who? I'd like to know who!
Bagheera/Merlin: I told you, Archimedes, I am not sure. All I know is that someone will be coming, someone very important.
Owl/Archimedes: Oh, pinfeathers!
Bagheera/Merlin: Fate will direct him to me, so that I, in turn, may guide him to his rightful place in the world.

Alejandro Burromuerto/Sir Kay: [whispers] Quiet, Wart!
Cody/Arthur "Wart" Pendragon: I'm trying to be.
Alejandro/Kay: And nobody asked you to come along in the first place.
Cody/Arthur: I'm not even movin'.
Alejandro/Kay: Shut up. [sees a doe] Aha! Here we go. Oh, what a set-up. Hmm. Right smack through the old gizzard!
[Alejandro/Kay almost shoots the doe with an arrow, but the tree-limb Cody/Wart is on breaks; Cody/Wart falls onto Grumpy/Kay, sending the arrow whistling away into the air; the doe flees.]
Alejandro/Kay: WHY, YOU CLUMSY LITTLE FOOL!
Cody/Wart: [as Alejandro/Kay chases him] Oh Kay, please, I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Please!
Alejandro/Kay: If I ever-- [trips over a ruined tree] If I ever get my hands on you, I'll wring your scrawny your little neck, so help me, I will!
Cody/Wart: [going into the forest] I'll get the arrow, Kay. I'm sure I can find it.
Alejandro/Kay: [chuckles] Don't tell me you're going in there? Why, it's swarming with wolves.
Cody/Wart: I'm not afraid.
Alejandro/Kay: Well, go ahead! It's your skin, not mine! Go on, go on!

Cody/Wart: [Repeated lines] Whoa, wait! WHOA!

[Cody/Wart falls through Bagheera/Merlin's roof]
Bagheera/Merlin: Well! So, you did drop in for tea after all! Oh, you are a bit late, you know.
Cody/Wart: Oh, I am?
Bagheera/Merlin: Yes. Now, my name is Merlin... Come, come, who are you, my lad?
Cody/Wart: Oh, my name's Arthur, but everyone calls me Wart.

Cody/Wart: How did you know that I would--
Bagheera/Merlin: Oh, that-that you would be dropping in? Well, I happen to be a wizard! A soothsayer! A prognosticator! I have the power to see into the future! Centuries into the future! I've even been there, lad.

Bagheera/Merlin: Oh, big news, eh? Can't wait for the London Times - first edition won't be out for at least [looks at his watch] 1200 years. Archimedes, would you mind sailing down there and-
Owl/Archimedes: Not interested.
Bagheera/Merlin: Oh, come now! You're as wet as you can get!
Owl/Archimedes: NO! No, no, no!
Bagheera/Merlin: Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human!
Owl/Archimedes: You wouldn't dare!
Bagheera/Merlin: I will! So help me, I will!
Owl/Archimedes: All right! All right!
Bagheera/Merlin: Works every time. Just like magic!

Bagheera/Merlin: [On jousting] Science indeed. One dummy trying to knock off another dummy with a bit of a stick.
Owl/Archimedes: And the Wart's just as hot for it as the rest of them.
Bagheera/Merlin: Yes. That boy's got real spark, lots of spirit. Throws himself, heart and soul, into everything he does. And that's really worth something. If it could only be turned in the right direction.
Owl/Archimedes: Ha-ha! Fat chance of that!
Bagheera/Merlin: Oh, I intend to cheat of course. Use magic! Every last trick in the trade if, I have to.

[Olivia Flaversham/Girl Squirrel has been chasing and flirting with Fievel Mousekewitz/Squirrel Wart.]
Fievel/Wart: Merlin, what'll I do? [as she playfully pushes him over] She won't leave me al--OHHH!
Bernard/Merlin: [chuckles] Well, I-- I'm afraid you're stuck, lad. When a girl squirrel chooses a mate, it's for life.
Fievel/Wart: [as she continues toying with him] But I won't be a squirrel tomorrow.
Bernard/Merlin: [still amused] She doesn't know that, she only knows one simple fact: that you're a him and she's a her!

[Bernard/Squirrel Merlin is being chased by Miss Bianca/Granny Squirrel, eventually falling off a tree branch and into a bush.]
Bernard/Merlin: By George! I've had enough of this nonsense! ALAKAZAM! [In an atom bomb explosion, Bernard/Merlin changes back into Bagheera/Merlin, causing Bianca/Granny Squirrel to scream.] There! Now you see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!
[Bianca/Granny Squirrel runs up a tree and chirps angrily at Bagheera/Merlin. In response, Bagheera/Merlin roars, scaring her off.]
Fievel/Wart: Merlin!
[Bagheera/Merlin turns around to see Olivia/Girl Squirrel hugging Fievel/Wart tightly.]
Bagheera/Merlin: So, here we are.
Fievel/Arthur: Quick, Merlin, the magic!
Bagheera/Merlin: Snick, snack, snorum!
[Bagheera/Merlin turns Fievel/Wart back into Cody/Wart and Cody/Wart laughs, which causes Olivia/Girl Squirrel to gasp.]
Cody/Wart: There, now you see? I'm not a squirrel, I'm a boy. [Oliva/Girl Squirrel chirps as if asking a question.] I tried to tell you. I-I'm a boy. A human boy! [Olivia/Girl Squirrel climbs up to a knot on her tree and sniffs.] Oh! If you could only understand.
[Olivia/Girl Squirrel runs up to the hole in the tree and cries her heart out as Cody/Wart remorsefully walks away.]
Bagheera/Merlin: Ah, you know, lad... that love business is a powerful thing.
[Olivia/Girl Squirrel, sobbing, pokes her head out of her tree hole and watches Cody/Wart and Bagheera/Merlin slowly walk away.]
Cody/Wart: Greater than gravity?
Bagheera/Merlin: Well, yes, boy, in its way, I'd, uh... Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on Earth.
[Olivia/Girl Squirrel climbs to the top of her tree to get one last look at Cody/Wart and sobs one last time as the screen fades to black.]

Gaston Legume/Sir Ector: Now, what's all the commotion? Hm?
Cruella De Vil/Scullery Maid: Oh, the kitchen! It's under an evil spell! It's bewitched!
Gaston/Ector: Oh... I bet it's that old goat Marvin. [To Alejandro/Kay] Come on, son! I knew he'd give us trouble! [Goes to the kitchen and sees the magic Bagheera/Merlin used on the dishes and mops] GADZOOKS! Black magic of the worst kind!!!

Cruella/Maid: You old goat! If I ever catch you in my kitchen again, I'll--
Bagheera/Merlin: [firmly] Madame, you won't! [disappears in a puff of smoke]
Cruella/Maid: [surprised] Oh dear. He-he's gone!
Gaston/Ector: Well, by Jove...
Alejandro/Kay: We ought to run the old geezer right out of the castle.
Gaston/Ector: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Kay, no! He might cast an evil spell on the lot of us. Turn us all to stone! Shh! No, there's no telling what the old devil might do.
Cody/Wart: He's not an old devil! He- he's good, and his magic is good, too. If you'd just leave him alone--
Gaston/Ector: Now look here, Wart, that's three more demerits!
Alejandro/Kay: Box his ears, Dad.
Cody/Wart: Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't mean it's wrong!
Gaston/Ector: [spluttering in shock] Ten more demerits!
Cody/Wart: [in tears] You make all the rules, and nobody else can say anything!
Gaston/Ector: You've said aplenty, boy! All that popping off just cooked your goose! Kay, from now on, young Hobbs is your squire. You hear that, Wart? Hobbs is going to be Kay's squire.
Cody/Wart: [quietly] Yes, sir.
Alejandro/Kay: And that'll teach you to pop off, you little pipsqueak. [As Alejandro/Kay leaves the kitchen with Gaston/Ector, he chops a mop (that humiliated him earlier) in half with his sword]
[Cody/Wart kneels in the kitchen alone with the broken mop in his hand, feeling sad and ashamed. Bagheera/Merlin magically appears.]
Bagheera/Merlin: I'm sorry, lad. Sorry I spoiled everything. I know that trip to London meant a great deal to you.
Cody/Wart: Oh, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have popped off. Now I'm really done for.
Bagheera/Merlin: No, no, you're in a great spot, boy. You can't go down now, it can only be up from here.
Cody/Wart: I'd like to know how.
Bagheera/Merlin: Use your head, and education, lad.
Cody/Wart: [lightning up] What good would that do?
Bagheera/Merlin: Get it first, and who knows? Are you willing to try?
Cody/Wart: [resigned] Well, what have I got to lose?
Bagheera/Merlin: [patting his back] That's the spirit! We'll start tomorrow! We'll show 'em, won't we, boy?
Cody/Wart: [unenthusiastically] We sure will.

Bagheera/Merlin: Archimedes, have you seen that flying machine model?
Owl/Archimedes: I have nothing to do with your futuristic fiddle-faddle, you know that.
Cody/Wart: [pointing to the airplane model right above Bagheera/Merlin] What's that thing up there?
Bagheera/Merlin: Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. Here we are. [takes it down]
Cody/Wart: Do you mean man will fly in one of those someday?
Owl/Archimedes: [scoffs] If man were meant to fly, he'd have been born with wings.
Bagheera/Merlin: [winding up the propeller of the model airplane] I am about to prove otherwise, Archimedes, if you care to watch. Here she goes! [He tosses it out the window] No, no, no - NO! [The plane unravels from his chin at the wrong angle, and starts to fall out of the sky.]
Owl/Archimedes: [laughs] Man will fly, all right! Just like a rock! [The model plane lands in the moat with a crash, and is sunken out of sight. Owl/Archimedes then laughs harder.]
Bagheera/Merlin: It would have worked if... if it weren't for this infernal beard! [Owl/Archimedes continues to laugh hysterically.] Man will fly someday, I tell you! I have been there! I have seen it!
Cody/Wart: Oh, I do hope so. I've always dreamed about flying; that I was a bird and that I could go sailing all over the sky, high above everything... [Bagheera/Merlin sneaks up behind him and quietly changes him into a sparrow bird] It's my favorite dream. [sighs] But then, I suppose everyone dreams about flying-- [notices his new form; happily] I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird! [starts to flutter clumsily out the window]
Bagheera/Merlin: [grabbing him in one hand] Hold it, boy! Not so fast, not so fast. First, I'd better explain the mechanics of a bird's wing. [grabs Owl/Archimedes's wing and runs his finger along the feathers] Now, these large feathers are called the primaries, and--
Owl/Archimedes: And since when do you know all about birds' wings?
Bagheera/Merlin: I have made an extensive study of birds in flight, and--
Owl/Archimedes: [crossly] And if you don't mind, I happen to be a bird!
Bagheera/Merlin: All right, Mr. Know-It-All! He's your pupil! [sets Cody/Wart down firmly]
Cody/Wart: Ouch!
Owl/Archimedes: Now boy, flying is not merely some crude mechanical process. [clears his throat offensively at Bagheera/Merlin, who clears his throat in return] It is a delicate art. Purely aesthetic! Poetry of motion! And the best way to learn it is to do it.

Cody/Wart: Oh, I'm not really a sparrow, I'm a boy.
Queen of Hearts/Mad Madam Mim: A boy?!
Cody/Wart: Merlin changed me with his magic. He's the world's most powerful wizard.
Queen/Mim: Merlin? [laughs] Oh, Merlin - the world's most powerful bungler! Why, boy, I've got more magic in one little finger! Now don't tell me you've never heard of the marvelous Madame Mim?
Cody/Wart: Well, no, I don't guess so.
Owl/Archimedes: Madame Mim! [flies off] Good heavens, good heavens, good heavens...!
Queen/Mim: Why, boy, I'm the greatest! I'm truly marvelous! [sings] With only a touch, I have the power, zim-zam-rim-vim, to whither a flower! I find delight in the gruesome and grim!
Cody/Wart: Oh, that's terrible.
Queen/Mim: Thank you, my boy. But that's nothing, nothing to me. Because I'm the magnificent, marvelous, mad Madame Mim!

Owl/Archimedes: What's going on, boy?
Cody/Wart: They're having a wizard's duel. What's that mean?
Owl/Archimedes: Oh, it's a battle of wits. The players change themselves into different things in an attempt to... to destroy one another.
Cody/Wart: D-d-destroy?
Owl/Archimedes: Just watch, boy. You'll get the idea.
Queen/Mim: Now! First of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules.
Owl/Archimedes: Rules indeed! Why, she only wants rules so she can break them!
Queen/Mim: [to Owl/Archimedes] I'll take care of you later, feather-brain. [to Bagheera/Merlin] Rule 1: No mineral or vegetable, only animal. Rule 2: No make-believe things like, oh, pink dragons and stuff. Rule 3: No disappearing. [squeezes his nose playfully]
Bagheera/Merlin: Rule 4: No cheating!

[Queen/Mim transforms into a dragon.]
Bagheera/Merlin: [nervously] Now, Mim! No dragons, remember?
Queen/Mim: Did I say no purple dragons? DID I?!

[Cody/Wart arrives in the castle guestroom]
Cody/Wart: [Excitedly] Merlin, look! I'm a squire! [Bagheera/Merlin, angry and disappointed by Cody/Wart's decision, snorts and goes back to his stove]
Owl/Archimedes: Oh, uh...very nice, boy.
Bagheera/Merlin: Yes indeed. A fine [robot] suit for polishing boots!
Cody/Wart: [His expression falls] It's... It's what all squires wear.
Bagheera/Merlin: And I thought you were going to amount to something! [Gets up out of his chair] I thought you had a few brains! [Kicks over a stack of books] Great future! Hah! A stooge for that big lunk, Kay! Congratulations, boy!
Cody/Wart: [Breaks into tears] What do you-What do you want me to be?! I'm nobody! You...You don't know a thing about what's going on today! [Owl/Archimedes gasps] I'm lucky to be Kay's squire!
Bagheera/Merlin: [Loses his temper] Oh! Of all the idiotic...! BLOW ME TO BERMUDA! [He magically rockets off to Bermuda]
Cody/Wart: Where...W-where did he go?
Owl/Archimedes: To Bermuda, I suppose.
Cody/Wart: Where's that?
Owl/Archimedes: Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.
Cody/Wart: Will he...ever come back?
Owl/Archimedes: Who knows? Who knows anything?

[Cody/Wart returns to the tournament with the Sword in the Stone]
Cody/Wart: Kay! Kay! Here's a sword!
Alejandro/Kay: [Takes the sword] This is not my sword!
Gaston/Ector: Hold on, Kay! Wait a minute. [Reads the inscription under the hilt] Whoso pulleth out this sword... [Shocked] Why it's...it's the Sword in the Stone!
Dr. Ratcliffe/Sir Bart: The Sword in the Stone?! It can't be!
Gaston/Ector: But look! It is!
Sir Grimsby/Sir Pellinore: It's the marvelous sword!
Ratcliffe/Bart: [To the townspeople] Hold everything! Someone's pulled the sword from the stone!

[Since Cody/Wart was renamed king...]
Narrator: So at last, the miracle had come to pass in that far off time upon New Year's Day and the glorious reign of King Arthur was begun.

[Last lines; Bagheera/Merlin magically enters the throne room wearing 21st century style clothes.]
Cody/Arthur: Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber-ber-ber-
Bagheera/Merlin: Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the [21st] century! And believe me, you can have it! One big modern mess! Alakazam! [magically changes back out of the 21st century style clothes]
Cody/Arthur: I'm in an awful pickle! I'm King!
Owl/Archimedes: He pulled the Sword from the Stone.
Bagheera/Merlin: [surprised] Aha! Of course, of course! King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table!
Cody/Arthur: Round Table?
Bagheera/Merlin: Oh, would you rather have a square one?
Cody/Arthur: Oh, no, round will be fine.
Bagheera/Merlin: Boy, boy, boy.... You'll become a great legend. They'll be writing books about you for centuries to come. Why, they might even make a motion picture about you.
Cody/Arthur: Motion picture?
Bagheera/Merlin: Well, uh.... that's something like television. Without commercials.

Voice Cast:Edit

Trivia:Edit

  • Both Sir Ector and Bagheera were voiced from the early Sebastian Cabot.